Ah cricket, the most gentlemanly sport out there, an elegant, graceful game played by men with virtually no ego and complete respect for the opposing team, right?
Wrong! While cricket is a little more stereotyped and less watched than other English sports like rugby or football, its history is still littered with some cracking and controversial one liners about the ‘leather and willow’. From raving commentators to stroppy players, this is a sport that’s seen it all. So sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the best quotes ever cricket quotes!
1. ‘Strangely, in slow motion, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.’
David Acfield did a bit of a Murray Mexted with this rather obvious bit of commentary.
2. ‘Tuffnell! Can I borrow your brain? I’m building an idiot!’
Australian fan to England spinner Phil Tufnell.
3. ‘I bowl so slowly that if I don’t like a ball I can run after it and bring it back.’
J.M. Barrie musing on the virtues of a slow ball.
4. ‘I tend to think that cricket is greatest thing that God ever created on earth – certainly greater than sex, although sex isn’t too bad either.’
Playwright Harold Pinter REALLY likes cricket.
5. ‘You can cut the tension with a cricket stump.’
Murray Walker getting his knives mixed up again.
6. ‘They came to see me bat, not you bowl.’
WG Grave, putting the bails back on his stumps after being bowled first ball.
7. ‘A very small crowd here today. I can account the people on one hand, can’t be more than 30.’
Michael Abrahamson must have had an extraordinary amount of fingers.
8. ‘To me, cricket is a simple game. Keep it simple and just go out and play.’
Shane Warne didn’t like to complicate things.
9. ‘Cricket is basically baseball on Valium.’
The comedy legend Robin Williams saw something crazy in one of England’s greatest sports.
10. ‘A true batsman should in most of his strokes tell the truth about himself.’
Neville Cardus’ playing philosophy was definitely poetic.
11. ‘Test Cricket is not a light-hearted business, especially that between England and Australia.’
Donald Bradman gives a gentlemanly version of “This is war!”
12. ‘Botham just couldn’t quite get his leg over.’
Jonathan Agnew as Ian Botham tried (and failed) to lift his leg over his stumps when he was off balance.
13. ‘Well, Andrew Strauss is certainly an optimist – he’s come out wearing sunblock.’
Australian commentary in the fifth test of the 5-0 series whitewash in 2006-07.
14. ‘I can’t really say I’m batting badly. I’m not batting long enough to be batting badly.’
Greg Chappell gives an honest account of himself.
15. ‘It means I can drive a flock of sheep through the town centre, drink for free in no less than 64 pubs and get a lift home with the police when I become inebriated. What more could you want?’
Freddie Flintoff on the many virtues of being a professional cricketer.
16. ‘If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him.’
Graham Gooch after Mike Gatting was bowled by Shane Warne’s ‘Ball of the Century’
17. ‘I’ve never got to the bottom of streaking.’
Jonathan Agnew’s poor choice of words when trying to describe his distaste for fan nudity on the pitch!
18. ‘An interesting morning, full of interest.’
Jim Laker’s interesting commentary.
19. ‘Shane Warne’s idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.’
Ian Healy had a good idea of Warne’s ‘champion’s breakfast’.
20. ‘There is a widely held and quite erroneously held belief that Cricket is just another game.’
Prince Phillip talking googlies rather than corgis.
So there you have it, 20 brilliant cricket quotes straight from the mouths of those who know their stumps.